Rule of winter #1:
When all else fails, nap. Often.
20081118
no ones reads this soi don't care. i'm so fucking sad.i don't want to wake up anytmore i don't want to do my homework i dont wantt o go to wrok i dont want to talkt o anyone. i dont know what tod o. i dont know what i can do anymore. i try so hard to be ahppy i've been a really nice person i think lately to m=poeple and i eat nromally and i've been doing really well in school i just cant do it anymore. i'm lying to myself. i hurts so much. u i feel like thers a huge hole in me. today my doctor asked me if i wever thought arvout hurting mysefl.
20081117
If you catch fire, I wouldn't piss to put you out.
Doctor's appointment tomorrow at noon. Thank fucking God. I need my meds upped terribly, not to mention a prescription for my migraines and maybe something for anxiety. I really can't wait. Shopping the rest of the day, which I am also super excited over. Maybe, maybe, if I'm not too lazy I'll upload some picturessss.
xoxo
Brooke
xoxo
Brooke
20081116
What did we ever do to these guys that made them so violent?
I'm really happy where I am. I hope you're happy, too. All I want is to see you with someone else, though. I'll wait for that day and then I will sleep unburdened.
Yesterday was fun. I went to Eat n Park with Mom & Cole, then I went to the mall and met up with Natalie. I got my winter coat--it's grey wool and it's by Guess. I like it a lot. It was originally $185 and I got it for $85. I also got a pair of jeans for $8, and later I found a cool 80s looking sweatshirt and a black velvet BCBG dress at the Salvation Army. I feel safe to say that I had a good day. I'm going shopping again on Tuesday. I have a feeling that it's going to be hard for me to find anything that I'll want.
After the mall, we just kind of drove around a bit and went back to Natalie's house and made pasta that we didn't eat. We wanted to go to Club Ice to be assholes, but decided that it wouldn't be worth the $10 admission price.
Dad's up in my room painting right now. I got my new vanity into place, and I've organized mostly everything in my room. I'm really excited about it. I'm sure anyone would be after sleeping in a daisy yellow-colored room for ten years.
xoxo
Brooke
Yesterday was fun. I went to Eat n Park with Mom & Cole, then I went to the mall and met up with Natalie. I got my winter coat--it's grey wool and it's by Guess. I like it a lot. It was originally $185 and I got it for $85. I also got a pair of jeans for $8, and later I found a cool 80s looking sweatshirt and a black velvet BCBG dress at the Salvation Army. I feel safe to say that I had a good day. I'm going shopping again on Tuesday. I have a feeling that it's going to be hard for me to find anything that I'll want.
After the mall, we just kind of drove around a bit and went back to Natalie's house and made pasta that we didn't eat. We wanted to go to Club Ice to be assholes, but decided that it wouldn't be worth the $10 admission price.
Dad's up in my room painting right now. I got my new vanity into place, and I've organized mostly everything in my room. I'm really excited about it. I'm sure anyone would be after sleeping in a daisy yellow-colored room for ten years.
xoxo
Brooke
20081115
Suicide season.
Sometimes,
more than anything
all I want is to be able to give up.
I wish I could take the easier path. I wish I could let myself.
more than anything
all I want is to be able to give up.
I wish I could take the easier path. I wish I could let myself.
I know something you don't know.
I was up until 5 in the fucking morning last night, sick. And now I have to meet Mom for breakfast in an hour. Fuck me.
xoxo
xoxo
20081113
Everybody, get the fuck out.
Work, work, work.
Worked last night, work today. I put in an application yesterday at Victoria's Secret for the holidays. I want to stay at the Boulevard, but I want something on the side, too. I don't see anything wrong with working with bras and underwear for 3 months and getting a 30% discount, do you? Didn't think so.
I met Chrissy at the mall yesterday during my break. It was really nice to see her, considering it's been so long. There's something about meeting with an old friend that's unbeatable. I can't describe it, but I'm sure you know what it is I'm talking about.
Off to the side a bit, I'm sure something's wrong with me and this feeling will pass quickly, but I'm kind of excited for winter. I'm about as excited for winter as I am when it gets randomly warm during the week. This will be the first winter I've spent at my dad's in about 4 years, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm glad that I'm able to drive, even if I'll get snowed in a lot, and I'm glad that I practically have the house to myself. Winter's kind of peaceful. I can sleep through most of it and not feel guilty about it. We'll see how it goes...
xoxo
Brooke
Worked last night, work today. I put in an application yesterday at Victoria's Secret for the holidays. I want to stay at the Boulevard, but I want something on the side, too. I don't see anything wrong with working with bras and underwear for 3 months and getting a 30% discount, do you? Didn't think so.
I met Chrissy at the mall yesterday during my break. It was really nice to see her, considering it's been so long. There's something about meeting with an old friend that's unbeatable. I can't describe it, but I'm sure you know what it is I'm talking about.
Off to the side a bit, I'm sure something's wrong with me and this feeling will pass quickly, but I'm kind of excited for winter. I'm about as excited for winter as I am when it gets randomly warm during the week. This will be the first winter I've spent at my dad's in about 4 years, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm glad that I'm able to drive, even if I'll get snowed in a lot, and I'm glad that I practically have the house to myself. Winter's kind of peaceful. I can sleep through most of it and not feel guilty about it. We'll see how it goes...
xoxo
Brooke
20081110
Operator-rator, won't you tell me again?
IT'S SO FUCKING COLD. Seriously, I wish there were a huge heat machine hovering over Pennsylvania that cancelled it all out. I think that's what some people refer to as global warming. Oh, wait. Global warming doesn't exist.
Fuck, I'm so glad this semester's almost over. I just hope to the godly entity in the sky that I'll have all my money to Pitt in time to even register. Hmm, wouldn't it be nice to not register at all? Wouldn't it be nice to have been born by a rich socialite. Wouldn't it be? Wouldn't it be?
This is so repetitive, but day after day I feel like I experience an odd form of dejavu. I'm remembering myself more clearly and although I feel that it's protruding, everyone continues to tell me that I'm becoming more and more distant. I wish sometimes that I could just disappear. But I do too much wishing.
Tomorrow I'm going Christmas shopping with Natalie. I suppose I'm helping her, more than likely. Until I can land a waitress job, I won't be doing much shopping ever. It sucks to be a college student. I feel like a starving artist, minus the starving and artist part.
Every day I look forward more and more to my next physician appointment. How psycho does that sound? Seriously, though. The more I think about the possibility of having these nodule bitches removed, the more impatient I get. It'd also be nice to have some migraine medication, and to have my Zoloft upped. Oh, the joy of being an unhealthy youth.
Until next time....
xoxo
Brooke
Fuck, I'm so glad this semester's almost over. I just hope to the godly entity in the sky that I'll have all my money to Pitt in time to even register. Hmm, wouldn't it be nice to not register at all? Wouldn't it be nice to have been born by a rich socialite. Wouldn't it be? Wouldn't it be?
This is so repetitive, but day after day I feel like I experience an odd form of dejavu. I'm remembering myself more clearly and although I feel that it's protruding, everyone continues to tell me that I'm becoming more and more distant. I wish sometimes that I could just disappear. But I do too much wishing.
Tomorrow I'm going Christmas shopping with Natalie. I suppose I'm helping her, more than likely. Until I can land a waitress job, I won't be doing much shopping ever. It sucks to be a college student. I feel like a starving artist, minus the starving and artist part.
Every day I look forward more and more to my next physician appointment. How psycho does that sound? Seriously, though. The more I think about the possibility of having these nodule bitches removed, the more impatient I get. It'd also be nice to have some migraine medication, and to have my Zoloft upped. Oh, the joy of being an unhealthy youth.
Until next time....
xoxo
Brooke
20081109
Supernatural Eyes
He took the circus
and the courthouse
Built her both in the same vicinity
Go and cut her open, then
Leave her lying in the bathtub, fright smeared on her face
with some makeup from last night's dead town excursions
She looked for herself in the grey waters of the new city
but everything was dirty, dirty, dead, and dry
Leave her lying in the bathtub for baby to find
When he comes from his first love in the afterlife
He wouldn't never leave radio for her
Poor girl hated to see him around anyone else
Especially when he got into the skeleton planes
She's nothing but a love ghost now
Take the train through the virgin cities from Portland!
Tell them you were robbed by death angels!
They'll eat your words
And put you on the 8 o clock news
He'll never think of the blonde he ran from
And all she wanted was a rainbow kiss
Baby, do you think I'm crazy? You're a fucking doll.
They never thought he'd be such a dick
Cake boy crying for peace and justice in front of a drunken audience of street dogs
They tore her shirt off as the credits rolled
Boys wearing rings don't like sluts, you know
He's just a heartbreaker, they'd seen it before
Her energy was polluted from the pond where she swam
but you've got to give her some credit for trying
They tore off her clothes and tossed her to the sea
She begged the violet clouds for redemption but they pushed her further into the plantation
Is she a vampire or is she a witch?
Bring her up and burn her to pieces
Blow her ashes through the telephone wires
We're going to fucking party tonight
She's a carnivorous sinner
She got what she deserved
That wife of his is really something
She was really something
Now she's just yesterday's rotting headlines!
and the courthouse
Built her both in the same vicinity
Go and cut her open, then
Leave her lying in the bathtub, fright smeared on her face
with some makeup from last night's dead town excursions
She looked for herself in the grey waters of the new city
but everything was dirty, dirty, dead, and dry
Leave her lying in the bathtub for baby to find
When he comes from his first love in the afterlife
He wouldn't never leave radio for her
Poor girl hated to see him around anyone else
Especially when he got into the skeleton planes
She's nothing but a love ghost now
Take the train through the virgin cities from Portland!
Tell them you were robbed by death angels!
They'll eat your words
And put you on the 8 o clock news
He'll never think of the blonde he ran from
And all she wanted was a rainbow kiss
Baby, do you think I'm crazy? You're a fucking doll.
They never thought he'd be such a dick
Cake boy crying for peace and justice in front of a drunken audience of street dogs
They tore her shirt off as the credits rolled
Boys wearing rings don't like sluts, you know
He's just a heartbreaker, they'd seen it before
Her energy was polluted from the pond where she swam
but you've got to give her some credit for trying
They tore off her clothes and tossed her to the sea
She begged the violet clouds for redemption but they pushed her further into the plantation
Is she a vampire or is she a witch?
Bring her up and burn her to pieces
Blow her ashes through the telephone wires
We're going to fucking party tonight
She's a carnivorous sinner
She got what she deserved
That wife of his is really something
She was really something
Now she's just yesterday's rotting headlines!
20081108
eckspektayshun
baby's in the carseat
i make him sit while i'm inside
i should've listened while he read my fortune
but i'm really no good at math and
i wish they'd get it fucking straight
baby shouldn't take the blame
when the heat gets to my
brain like this
and i don't know which side of the
mirror to come out of
but baby's still in the car, you know
he cries and screams but i say
SHUT. UP.
honestly, your expectations are always too high
but isn't this what you do?
i'll sue music television a thousand times for fucking misrepresentation
see, i just got into the business
but you're the one that should be on the ground
don't you know i want your life?
i want your body
i want your wife
like you said, i'd kill a moon for you
when you open your mouth
my world falls so apart
and you look so good above me
sweat, it's almost like the real thing
hell, even courtney would be more obtainable
i live in a dream until anyone breaks my heart
this is not who i really am.
i make him sit while i'm inside
i should've listened while he read my fortune
but i'm really no good at math and
i wish they'd get it fucking straight
baby shouldn't take the blame
when the heat gets to my
brain like this
and i don't know which side of the
mirror to come out of
but baby's still in the car, you know
he cries and screams but i say
SHUT. UP.
honestly, your expectations are always too high
but isn't this what you do?
i'll sue music television a thousand times for fucking misrepresentation
see, i just got into the business
but you're the one that should be on the ground
don't you know i want your life?
i want your body
i want your wife
like you said, i'd kill a moon for you
when you open your mouth
my world falls so apart
and you look so good above me
sweat, it's almost like the real thing
hell, even courtney would be more obtainable
i live in a dream until anyone breaks my heart
this is not who i really am.
In time, little girl, they'll forget your face...
Ugh. Last night I went to see Jaguar Love at Mr. Smalls. It was really exciting for me because I've been a HUGE fan of the Blood Brothers for years. They're nowhere near as good as the Blood Brothers, but I'm not complaining, either. Natalie came with me. We used her GPS. I really need to get myself one of those. I talked to Johnny for a bit. There weren't many people there, which really made it better, and Johnny was right in front of me practically the entire time. It was one of the best shows I've been to in a long time. Seriously, they were amazing. Johnny signed my shirt and stuff and I got some pictures. It was a crazy night. I'm done for now before I freak out again.
20081104
20081103
I call it dope boi magic.
I don't think I've ever blogged on my car before. I'm waiting for Jared to get done washing his so that he can get to mine.
It's a really nice day. Typical fall, but still flip flop weather. It's relaxing.
I wrote this last week.
I'm posting it because I have nothing else to blog about.
I hate being so boring.
sometimes I feel unreal
& my past is a life I have not seen in centuries
my past life is a ghost knocking down my door
looking for me every fucking day.
i try not to be home.
i've gotten quite well at blocking out the voices
they love to scratch at my bedposts
they love it when I cry
they hated me ages ago
& they hate me now I'm bitter
sometimes I bother greeting them
but usually my head is bowed in shame
I welcome them as royalty
they'll always be the mansion
spitting dirt all down my throne.
xoxo
Brooke
It's a really nice day. Typical fall, but still flip flop weather. It's relaxing.
I wrote this last week.
I'm posting it because I have nothing else to blog about.
I hate being so boring.
sometimes I feel unreal
& my past is a life I have not seen in centuries
my past life is a ghost knocking down my door
looking for me every fucking day.
i try not to be home.
i've gotten quite well at blocking out the voices
they love to scratch at my bedposts
they love it when I cry
they hated me ages ago
& they hate me now I'm bitter
sometimes I bother greeting them
but usually my head is bowed in shame
I welcome them as royalty
they'll always be the mansion
spitting dirt all down my throne.
xoxo
Brooke
20081102
I'll let you come and sneak a peek.
Rocky was so disappointing. I wish you could have been there.
Got back to Jared's at 3 last night. I was too tired to drive home, so I just spent the night. We woke up around noon and made each other animal pancakes and watched Unsolved Mysteries. I just got home a little while ago.
Dad and I moved all the furniture out of my room. Aunt Rhonda & Uncle Chuck are coming at 6 to see if they want it for their cunt of a daughter, Kristin. Thank God it's finally all out. Now I can paint and get new shit. Maybe then I'll be able to acknowledge my room as a living area.
Natalie's coming over in a few minutes. We're going to do some homework and eat pizza. It sounds so nice.
xoxo
Brooke
Got back to Jared's at 3 last night. I was too tired to drive home, so I just spent the night. We woke up around noon and made each other animal pancakes and watched Unsolved Mysteries. I just got home a little while ago.
Dad and I moved all the furniture out of my room. Aunt Rhonda & Uncle Chuck are coming at 6 to see if they want it for their cunt of a daughter, Kristin. Thank God it's finally all out. Now I can paint and get new shit. Maybe then I'll be able to acknowledge my room as a living area.
Natalie's coming over in a few minutes. We're going to do some homework and eat pizza. It sounds so nice.
xoxo
Brooke
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